Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre

2015

Action / Adventure / Comedy / Horror / Sci-Fi / Thriller

7
IMDb Rating 3.4 10 688

Synopsis


Uploaded By: FREEMAN
Downloaded 23,660 times
April 25, 2016 at 06:19 PM

Director

Cast

Traci Lords as Detective Kendra Patterson
Christine Nguyen as Michelle Alika
Cindy Lucas as Anita Conners
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
623.75 MB
1280*714
English
NR
23.976 fps
12hr 0 min
P/S 2 / 11
1.28 GB
1920*1072
English
NR
23.976 fps
12hr 0 min
P/S 2 / 10

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by mcarter-49113 1 / 10

An embarrassingly awful movie...

WOW, where to begin... Before I give my thoughts (because I'm not going to go scene by scene) on this movie, I want to say that I didn't expect a The Godfather or Pulp Fiction quality picture. I knew it'd be a campy and silly take on the shark/disaster animal movies that have inundated the B and C movie arena. However, this was just plain terrible.

Let's start with the writing. Wynorski and the other 2 credited writers are lazy and for all their years, still can't write a decent script. The Asian slurs were old and tired after the 3rd one, yet they kept them coming at every turn. The girl and geologist's assistant sharing that tender moment and kissing...where the hell did that come from? What was the point? What about the beef between the brunette who gets attacked by the shark and Michelle (The Asian)? Next scene, they are getting on like nothing happened. Totally ridiculous. And the hidden stash of guns being found because a can hits the wall? How hard did she hit that can to make it fly and bust the vent off of that wall? STUPID! And toy guns? Like plastic toy guns. Pathetic.

Next, the CGI and effects. Laughable, but that much was expected.

The absolute worst was the embarrassing acting! Dominique Swain. WHAT THE HELL? What a promising career. What happened? She was corny and contrived and her portrayal of a bad ass criminal was terrible. Cindy Lucas is an absolute joke. She was less believable than anyone else! Traci Lords, same thing. Corny ass lines and no idea how to make them the least bit convincing. The wardrobe changes and makeup were so out of element, it was insulting. Could they not have frumped them up, maybe made them actually look like convicts?

I am harsh here because it didn't have that self deprecating charm that Sharknado does. Even those films, which are pretty enjoyable, don't take themselves too seriously. This one tried to inject sensitivity and make it seem as if there is a lot on the line. Stuff like the Cindy Lucas/D. Swain relationship, Christine Nguyen's character had a son waiting at home, that kiss and monologue between the geologist's assistant and the blonde girl. She acts like they've known each other for years, yet they met and fell in love within 20 minutes? Then he gets eaten, purposely standing in the way of a shark, while shooting at it with no effect. The blonde girl cries as if she lost the love of her life! Why were we supposed to care about that character? It made zero sense and it actually made things even more ridiculous.

Skip this junk. If you want camp, watch Sharknado. These actresses are crap if they're not undressing and simulating sex every 9 minutes. Wynorski sucks and has gotten worse. I shudder to think of anything that's worse than this movie. Everyone involved should attempt to strike this from their resume because it's worse than terrible.

Reviewed by Platypuschow 3 / 10

Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre: Crap on a biscuit

Sharks again, really? This time Traci "Controversy magnet" Lords and Dominique "It almost looked like I was going to have a decent career" Swain star in yet another shark film.

When a group of female prisoners transport gets hijacked it comes down to them and the prison guards to team up to fight off the onslaught of "Wait for it" Sharkasaurus's. Prehistoric sharks that can move through land as easily as water! As you can imagine it's pretty dire and the distinct lack of budget cripples it. If you can't afford to make a movie about these beasties then simply don't!

Ironically the most famous performers in this film are the worst actors, maybe they just can't be assed anymore. Could you if you were in a movie called Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre?

The Good:

Couple of decent enough performances

The Bad:

WTF level cgi

Generic, clich├ęd, the works

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Every shark movie creator thinks that a giant shark can swim & sneak up on people in a foot of water

Men are non-committal, women are mysterious

Traci Lords should have stuck to porn

Reviewed by Tom Willett (yonhope) 3 / 10

Poor movie, great title, It needs a new beginning, middle and end.

The only way to save this by using the script, if there is one, is to start over. Hire Joan Crawford. Even dead she could bring some charm to the screen. The plot is somewhat tied to the great title, so there should be a women's prison with some sharks. If there is a Vincent Price type somewhere with a Shakespearean accent and piercing eyes, that would help. The cast here seems to come from a diet beverage commercial. The special effects are OK. The characters are written to be very stupid. Many of them seem to do what the audience knows is wrong. Fracking is the bad guy. I would guess they will make a buck or two from the title. It is a movie. They did get some people together with a camera operator and they made this. It is not a good bad movie, but it is OK for Bad Movie Night if you can't find Hillbillys in a Haunted House. No nudity. Probably OK for kids who like very dumb movies. I think Flaws is a better Jaws parody.

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